More Than Just After Jiggle

my-thoughts-on-zumba-26099Week: #4

Pounds Lost: 10

Pounds to Go: 190

Another great week in the books for our little family filled with exercise, activity, and bravery on the part of yours truly. I have always had a love and even a passion for exercise, but whether it is guilt or embarrassment, shame or just plain fear, there are some classes at the gym that I have turned away from, mainly because I don’t want to see myself doing them. I hide from the mirrors, when an instructor says look at your form in the mirror, I am mentally thinking “yeah, better not”. I am acutely aware of the weight that I have put back on. I am painfully aware of my shattered strength, speed, flexibility and agility. I am the “let themselves go” cautionary tale right now! Even with all of that, something was pulling me to take my first Zumba class… just for … fun??

So I thought, go… just do it… but don’t look in the mirrors. Mirrors don’t lie, ok, maybe fun house mirrors do, but not the ones in gyms, and seeing the truth of my body as it is right now, doing Zumba moves, is just not something I would look at with accepting eyes. It isn’t about being awkward with movement or with latin styles of dance. It isn’t a difficulty with catching on quickly to moves or rhythms, oh no, that I CAN do! I may be a Fatty McFat Mom right now with ample after jiggle, but I have the moves to back up that jiggle! It is all about not looking the way I once did, or the not yet looking the way I want to in the future, while doing those moves.

So there I was, hiding in the back. There was actually a visible divide between those who loved to look at themselves in the mirror, aka the front row, and those of us who would rather avoid it, aka the back row, but very little imbetweeners. That is until the instructor said something about the obvious gap in the room. Us back row bandits all inched forward tentatively as if there was some kind of vortex in the middle of the room that we did not want to get sucked into. On blares the music and we are off. Here’s the kicker, there was no microphone!!! Now, since this was the popping of my Zumba cherry, I do not know if this is normal, but I am definitely used to having some type of verbal queue for what the eFF I am supposed to be doing. Nope. Not in this room, you follow and either you catch on or you just keep wiggling until the class is over!

Not to my surprise, but maybe to the surprise of others, there I was keeping up, every single pound of me was moving. It was fun, I was completely out of breath, and I cannot wait for next week! I had to leave a few minutes early since my childcare time limit was quickly approaching, but as I made my way out the door, the most uplifting thing happened… the instructor moved to the side of her stage, pointed at me, and said “You’re awesome”. I mouthed thank you and waved goodbye. We both know I will be back!  I may never have the courage to actually tell her, but she completely made my day. She didn’t see just the after jiggle, she didn’t see my lack of confidence in myself or my general disgust at my appearance, she saw a dancer. Maybe it was because without looking at the mirrors, I could imagine myself as the dancer I once was. Maybe it was because as a newcomer I exceeded her expectations. Or maybe just maybe, it was because she could see in me what I cannot wait to be visible on the outside to everyone, especailly myself. A vibrant, athletic, strong, beautiful and sometimes even sexy woman who is ready to live.

The moral of this cautionary tale is, your size, your weight, your shape, are all things that can be changed. You can make your outside absolutely match whatever or whomever you see yourself as on the inside. It may take time, sacrifice, money, determination, perseverance, dedication, you know all of those motivational poster words, but having your outside match your inside is well worth all of it. I cannot wait for the day that I finally match again!

XOXO,

FatFree Mommy

A different Approach to the Same Problem

The Book that started my new journey!

The Book that Started my new journey!

Week: Oh for Fs Sake… Week #1

Pounds Lost: 4

Pounds To Go: 197

Happy New Year!!! Time for a New You, time for a change, this time will be the last time, blah blah blah… but really, this time will no doubt be different. So, here we are a week into the new year and with this new year new promises to myself have been made. Albeit, promises that I have no doubt made to myself before, but as ol’ uncle Winston Churchill said, Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

The truth is, I have been kind of lost. I have an amazing program that I am on that keeps me energetic, focused, and well, enthusiastic throughout each day, I love it but it only solves one piece of the puzzle. I thought that just by having the energy and the focus I could conquer by tendency to binge, but in reality, I needed something a little bit more. I tried going back to food plans of the past, but they weren’t the same. I needed a new food program, one that was strict enough for me to successfully follow. Some people thrive from choices and loose restrictions… I am NOT one of those people. I need check boxes, I need rules, and I need someone who would I would have to face if I failed.

Enter stage right, none other than the Bikini Boss herself… well, to be honest, when I first met her I had no idea who she was, but I knew she knew fitness. You know those women who own whomever they are without apology, the type of women we should all aspire to be like as far as the self-ownership… yep, that’s her. She is Fit Mom. She wrote a book and I bought it to be supportive of a new mommy acquaintance.  Well, that purchase ended up opening a door to a new food plan that is sending all other food plans that I have ever tried out the window. She ended up creating a personalized meal and exercise plan for me and my mind was blown!! It still follows the high frequency smallish quantity meals, high in protein, and nothing packaged idea, but in a different way. The idea being to focus on losing fat and creating lean muscle mass. Easy enough, right?? (Man, I wish there was a sarcasm font!)

Anyhoo… She challenged me to be my own transformation story, and without hesitation, I said, game on! I have meal prepped like a boss, and tomorrow it all begins. I am actually really excited! The best part, our children’s activity schedule has me seeing her multiple times a week, I can’t hide, I can’t avoid seeing her, so that only leaves me the option of success! So, here we go! Day 1 is just hours away!

XOXO,

FatFree Mommy