Thankful Beyond Words

Thankful Beyond WordsWeek: #5

Pounds Lost: 20

Pounds To Go: 188

Happy Thanksgiving weekend everyone!!! Words just cannot describe how thankful I am for our little family and for the friends who we shared this holiday with! I cooked all day, laughed all night, and it was they type of holiday gathering I have always envisioned. I even indulged just a little! I really was so proud of myself though! I took what I wanted without fear, because this year, for the first time in a long time, I was ok with letting go for the day.

Being on a weight loss journey can come with its fair share of guilt. Which is a mindset that I don’t particularly want to subscribe to any more. Ok, you had a piece of pie, all of Santa’s elves will not lose their left pinky finger if you eat a piece of pie! The world will not come to an end, and most importantly, neither will your health journey. Should you have pie every day and be ok with it, probably not if your goal is weight loss, but on a holiday where it is customary to partake in a slice, go for a small one without regrets!  That’s just what I did on Thursday, and it really did feel good.

Friday I felt the effects of gluten in my system and a twinge of dehydration, but other than that, it was a continuation of an amazing day full of thanks. Kids played, tree was decorated, leftovers were consumed, and I was back on track! All in all, it was a Thanksgiving I will look back on with joy. I needed one of those, and I really am thankful beyond words to have it in my memory bank!


The trick this Holiday season, is to let go of the tricks. You have to start out by believing that a day is just a day and that tomorrow is a new one. Ruining your holiday with the constant thoughts of food guilt or depravity will take away from the happy moments with family and friends. Focusing on the human interactions of the day will in turn help curb the urge to seriously over-indulge, for the simple reason that your meal will last longer. Unless you are absolutely gross, you will not talk or laugh and chew at the same time. That talking, that laughing, will put time gaps between bites, thus making you eat a little slower which will help you recognize when you are full. Win-Win! Besides, these holidays are supposed to be about the blessings of family and friends in your life, right?! It’s time to embrace the spirit of the holidays! So put down that fork and start talking, start laughing, engage in a conversation! I promise, you’ll be glad you did!


Fat-Free Mommy

Bad Timing and New Obsessions

65050191Week #5

Pounds Lost: 0

Pounds to go: 130

So, I’m pretty sure that committing myself to my healthy eating regime two weeks before my baby turned 5 was probably the worst idea I have ever had. Add that to the fact that she lost not only her first tooth, but her second as well in a weeks time, just compounded my failures in the eating department. Why? Well these are milestones, and the one person I want to share these milestones with more than anyone is the only person I can only have one sided conversations with, and really who knows if they are heard. She lost her first tooth, it was exciting, it was emotional and all I wanted to do was call my Dad. We called all of the other grandparents, and they shared in the excitement and joy over our growing little lady, but one very important person was left out. He would have been the happiest of all, and who knows if he knows it happened or if he is seeing her grow from somewhere beyond our reality. I think I would deal with things better if there was some way to actually communicate with the dead. Not some hoaky thing, and not some lady from New Jersey who can communicate on your  behalf, but an actual way to do it. Like a long distance relationship. You can’t see them, and that can be dealt with, but just to be able to talk… I would truly give anything for that, but not just once because that isn’t enough, I want to do it every Sunday, like we used to!

So my toothless princess turned 5 on Wednesday, and on the inside I am a wreck! She is growing so fast, and although she still snuggles every now and then, and says sweet and loving things, she is still growing and maturing and independenting all the time, yes I know thats not a real word but it sounded good. She is my baby, and all of this growing up stuff is really really hard. The less and less that she needs me, the more and more I want her to, and at the end of the day there really is only one person who I would want advice from on this… and I can’t get it. At the same time, I need to stop being this person who needs him so much. He’s gone. That cannot be changed, and I cannot go into a binging spiral for every developmental milestone of my children. I need to figure out something new! Needless to say, this time, I ate cake and crackers and cheese and cookies and really anything that was within my grasp because that’s how I deal with the things I cannot control. It isn’t ideal or how I want to deal with things, but for now that is how I am wired. The scale of course went in the wrong direction, but that was to be expected.

I consulted with one of my favorite people on the planet, and we got to talking about how we become obsessively involved in things. Both of us have had our struggles with food, it is our addiction. Sometimes we can replace that addiction with online shopping for leggings that we don’t need, or with exercise, both viable alternatives to eating like we are prepping for hibernation, but both equally as unhealthy when taken to extremes. So, what can we focus that addictive energy on that would actually be healthy? We both thought of gardening, but let’s be real, it is Africa hot outside in Florida and I do not have a green  bone in my body so gardening would not be an addiction that would last for more than a minute and a half. Taking up some kind of art came up, but again I have no skill, and where there is no skill there will be no addiction. So, we came to cleaning. Cleaning benefits the entire family, is active in its own way, and I have two kids so there is an endless supply of cleaning activities… this could be perfect! Of course, I won’t be going full on Danny Tanner or anything, I do want my kids to have fun in their own house, but substituting cleaning for binge eating, or obsessively exercising, or online shopping may just be the key to not only my weight loss success, but to coping with the un-controlables of life. Yes, I think this will work, and I am going to give it a try!

So, here’s to a happy new start and just in time for Spring! A clean, happy, and healthy house is just what 2016 ordered!


Fat-Free Mommy

Betting on Myself


 Week: #1

Pounds Lost: 14

Pounds to go to goal #1: 10.4

Pounds to go to overall goal: 107.4

Ok, ok, so I know this is pretty much the umpteenth time I have indicated week #1 status, but I promise… I swear… No, better, I fully commit myself to staying on my Fat-Free Mommy path of health and happiness! Why am I more confident this week? Is it because I weighed myself after my princess’ birthday weekend and almost cried? Is it because the only finger my beautiful and cherished wedding ring will fit on is my pinky? Is it because modeling a healthy and happy life is the best way to be an awesome mommy? Well, really it’s all of those wrapped in a box of Fat-Free Mommy hopes and dreams topped with a sparkling bow made of … money. Wait, what? Yes, losing weight is going to make me some cold hard cash! 

Have you ever heard of Diet Bet? Essentially it’s gambling on the surest bet… Yourself! You can enter a game for a small fee along with strangers and friends, and after a month if you have lost 4% of your body weight, then you get to split the pot! Some pots are small, others are multiple thousands of dollars, none of them will make me a literal millionaire, but I will certainly feel like a million bucks when I reach my goals! 

I’ve also put other success tools to good use. I always tell people that doing a couple things will set you up for success. But following my own advice has never been my forte. This time, I’m listening! 

  1. Write it down! Write down what you want to happen and how you are going to do it, then just keep writing. Food journals and a way to release your thoughts along your journey are essential tools.
  2. Make small attainable goals so you can feel small successes along your road to your big success! 

So, I took this oversized happy hiney to get a notebook with an obscene amount of blank pages, because it’s a long journey,  a pink pen, because it means more when you write in pink, and I started planning! 

My mission statement has been made, my monthly goals have been calculated, and I am ready for all of the success that is coming my way. I am finally feeling like I am out of my life drama funk, thanks to the support and love around me, and I feel, for the first time in months, that I can take on the weight-loss world! This Fat-Free Mommy is ready, armed with strength and determination. So, Diet betters beware… the Fat-Free Mommy house always wins!


Fat-Free Mommy

The Biggest Loser’s Forgiveness

Week: #1

Pounds Lost: 0

Pounds To Go: 107

A couple weeks ago, I got to be a running princess once again, and I loved every minute and every mile of Disney’s Princess Half Marathon weekend. 22.4 total miles (5k, 10k, and a half marathon) later and I have to say that my best memory from the weekend wasn’t from any of the races, although they were absolutely wonderful, but my best memory is from a five minute breakdown of a conversation with a weight loss celebrity.   Danni Allen of The Biggest Loser fame was scheduled to be a speaker at the Fit for a Princess Expo, and I was beyond excited to see her. In season 14, she won the Biggest Loser, I watched her lose her weight, I watched her win, and I identified with her all those years ago, because she was inspired to lose weight by a traumatic health experience with her Dad. Us Fatty McDaddy’s Girls need to stick together, right? Well fast forward to a few weeks ago, and I was pumped full of weight loss energy, and ready to totally geek out and get my picture taken with a weight loss idol.

Seeing her talk was amazing, yes she was a celebrity, but she was real,  and she seemed like a friend up on that stage. She spoke of taking weight loss one day at a time, and making small changes in order to make an eventual big change, giving up the scale obsession and focusing on the fit of clothes. She was lovely, and I sat there just soaking in her weight loss positivity. Her speaking time came to end and it was time for what we had all been waiting for, time to actually meet her, ask questions, and of course take a social media postable photo. When it came to my turn, even with a line up of women behind me, I took the opportunity to do the unthinkable. After our photo, I said I had a question for her and then it happend… I completely broke down.  Even as it was happening, I was telling myself not to cry, don’t let it all out, but I was powerless. I told her how she inspired me because I too was a Daddy’s girl. I told her how after having my daughter I lost 220 pounds, felt amazing, and then put 120 of it back on to have my son. I told her through embarrassing tears how my Dad passed in November and how a since then my weight loss has stalled and gone in the way wrong direction, and how I just can’t seem to get a grip on it and turn the weight loss train around.  At that point I was ugly crying, apologizing for crying, and she did just what a friend would do… She gave me the biggest, most sincere hug. Then she gave me the advice that only she could give. You need to forgive yourself, she said, and she was absolutely right. 

I am sad, I miss my Dad, and for the most part, I can be strong, I can put on a brave face and go on with life’s progress. But then, there are other times, ironically today is very much one of those other  times, when the tears flow, the flashes of his death take over my vision, and I feel lost and alone. Typically, that will result in a binge,  and it doesn’t really matter what food I turn to, my ability to have self control is completely gone. At some point I will snap out of it, gain control, but by that point, I will have also gained a pound or five, or ten depending, which leaves me as a shell of strength, hating myself for not having it all together. It’s a cycle that I need to break, and that every week I work on breaking, but what I really need to do first is eactly what Danni said, I need to forgive myself. I need to take it one day at time, and realize that this time around, weight loss may not be as easy, but I can’t and I won’t give up.

I am so thankful for my embarrassing moment with Danni. It was a small piece of an exciting weekend that truly meant the world to me. I may not ever see her again, but I am a forever fan, and she has helped me more than she may ever know. I am still very much a work in weight loss progress, but I can do this. I will reach my goals. It will take a while, but I will be the Fat-Free Mommy who I know I can be!


Fat-Free Mommy

A Broken Brain

Week: #2
Pounds Lost: 0
Pounds to Go: 107

2015/01/img_0930.jpg Hello everyone, my name is Fat-Free Mommy, and I am an over-eater, or at least this past week I was. Mentally and emotionally trying events weaved a tangled web throughout the week and I had absolutely no self control. However, I did come to the conclusion that my brain is broken. I don’t ever recall anyone ever telling me that stuffing my face, like Augustus Gloop at the chocolate river, was in an effective way to solve problems, because well, that would be stupid! However, somehow my brain seems to shut off all reason in times of stress or sadness, and sends a message to my stomach requiring the disabling of any fullness sensors. Then, within minutes I will have begun my self-imposed competitive eating challenge. It doesn’t last long, but the weight gain consequences are monumental. Afterwards, I am still just as sad or stressed, but now also feeling quite ill, and let me tell you, after this weeks research, I can confidently say that it doesn’t solve a damn thing!

No cake, notice I did not say piece of cake because yes, there were entire cakes involved, no piece of fried chicken, slice of pizza, glass of wine, or jar of almond butter was safe. I went into each day confident to be on track, then something would happen, that I would normally turn to my Dad for advice or assistance in, and I would fall harder off the wagon than the day before. It was shameful, and just plain sad. It was rough, and I gained back every single ounce that I had lost the week before. Definitely a week I would like to erase from my life completely, but as we all know, the days of our lives are written in sharpie not pencil. Even with all of the sadness of last week, I knew that this upcoming week would be a turn for the better, and so far it has been, it’s been a great Monday!

So what will be different about the weeks ahead? I’m not really sure, but I do know that turning to food in times of emotional distress is something that I have to actively destroy. My brain is broken, and it will tell me that the addictive properties of sugars and cheese won’t hurt me, but the truth is, they will. Sabotaging my own weight loss is easy, I have been doing it for my entire life. Making these life changes so that I can reach my fitness goals can be challenging, but that’s part of why they are so worthwhile. Just like any race, if they were easy then everyone would do it, it is the challenge that makes the finish line so rewarding. So let’s press the restart button, yet again, and show Madame Scale just how strong this Fat-Free Mommy can be!

Fat-Free Mommy

Doing the Impossible

One of my favorite wise men once said, “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible”. Well I don’t know if Uncle Walt ever dreamt of the runDisney fitness empire, but I’m certainly glad it exists. This past week, I had a lot of fun doing what I have thought of, countless times, as the “impossible”. Some of you may have heard of a little thing called the Dopey Challenge. If you haven’t, it’s a 4 day running challenge that includes a 5K, a 10K, a Half Marathon, and a Marathon. Yes, that’s 48.6 miles of magical run/walk intervals, 6 beautiful sparkly medals, and a title… Dopey! So, yes, I , the Fat-Free Mommy, am officially Dopey! Wait… What?!?

Not too long ago, I thought a half marathon was impossible, then it was a marathon that I thought was impossible, and now I know that not only are they both possible, but I can do them back to back, with some other runs thrown in for fun! The cherry on this unbelievable fitness cake is that I am still so far away from my fitness goals as far as weight loss and muscle gain are concerned, that I am certain that this still isn’t the best I can do. I took it easy in each race, knowing that I would double the distance with each passing day, and also knowing that mileage-wise, I would not be halfway done until mile 2 of the marathon! Each day after the race, I played in the Disney parks, because even though I am a runner, I am a mommy first, and my little royals needed some Mickey time of their own. I actually think keeping my legs going helped my recovery from day to day. Even today, the day after Dopey completion, I spent the day playing with my little royals in the most magical place on Earth, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am a strong mommy and both parts of that title are equally important.

On the flip side, I know that if I were closer to my fitness goals, the challenge would have been easier, the runs would have been faster, and let’s be real, I would have looked a whole lot better in all of those race photos! So, as crazy as this may sound, I am using this past week as a new starting point, a rock bottom if you will. I arrive home tomorrow from this surreal runcation dreamland and I have a plan to getting back to the best version of me. Maybe it’s not really getting back though, because of what I have accomplished even with my body in the state that it’s in. Rather, it’s moving forward to a new best version of me. Maybe it will even be a version of me that I right now, think of as … impossible.

Well, look out world, the Fat-Free Mommy is energized, full of Disney running magic, and ready to reach beyond any impossible goal! Week #1, here I come!

Fat-Free Mommy


Fed-up with the Fork

outrunforkI can’t believe my 2 year blogiversary is upon us. In the past two years, I have lost weight, found a new love of running, gained weight, had a second child, lost some more weight, gained back some unwanted weight, and arrived here… fed up with my fork! They say that losing weight is 20% exercise and 80% nutrition. Now, I don’t know if those percentages are exact, in fact from my research it varies from person to person, but one thing does remain true for all. You can’t out exercise a bad diet! Say it with me now, YOU – CAN’T – OUT – EXERCISE – A- BAD- DIET!

Take the past month or so of life in the Fat-Free Mommy house for example. I run, pushing my little ones in their royal jogging carriage on average 30-40 miles per week, I teach at least 2 Baby Boot Camp classes, I take at least 1 Baby Boot Camp class, and I am always on the go. By normal standards the classification of my lifestyle would be active. For the past month, I have also taken a flying leap off of the healthy eating wagon on the weekends, and while visitors and other extra non-fitness activities consume my life. To put it bluntly, I have been eating my face off! Even with my active lifestyle, I have literally kissed onederland good-bye, and gained not 10, not 15, but 30, yes 30 pounds! I should preface this by reminding everyone that my body will gain weight like a champion when given the opportunity. You could say I’m a professional.

Funny business aside, this type of yo-yoing isn’t getting me anywhere and I have absolutely no one to blame but myself. No one forces the fork into my mouth, I have gladly indulged, with the mental promise that we have all made, I will be better tomorrow. Well so far, this past month has been full of hopeful better tomorrows, and I am fed-up. Especially after watching the documentary Fed-Up!

Have you seen it? If you haven’t and you care at all about your health, or if you have children of any age, you need to watch it! Go to itunes and plunk down the $4.95 rental fee and make the time to watch it, your eyes will be opened, I promise! Go watch it, I’ll wait… OK, we good now?

Bottom line, weight-loss and overall fitness is way more than a calorie out calorie in game. A calorie of protein is broken down differently than a calorie of carbohydrate, and don’t get me started on the amount of sugar in items that are generally labeled as healthy. Your body is only meant to consume 25g or less of sugar in any given day, so when you start your day with that flavored Chobani yogurt that everyone raves as a healthy choice, think again.  If you chose the Almond Coco Loco one like I did on a few occasions, you have already consumed 21g of sugar at breakfast! Funny, how the percentage of your daily intake is always missing from the sugar line on all labels. For this given yogurt, it would be 84%! Now, this is in no way an attack on the good yogurt folks of the world, but the flavored varieties tend to have between 10- 30g of sugar! Just when you think you are making a healthy choice, your body is actually storing that excess sugar in fat cells and no matter how much you exercise, the fat on your body may grow. On the other hand, if every other food choice you made throughout the day had absolutely no sugar, then a flavored yogurt at breakfast wouldn’t be as bad. It’s all in how you take control of what goes on your fork, or any other eating utensil. So say it with me now, one more time just for good measure… YOU – CAN’T – OUT – EXERCISE – A- BAD- DIET!


Fat-Free Mommy

Sharing the Love… A Runcation Story

Well it’s been a few months, so it’s safe to say my weight-loss success story has been at a bit of a standstill. My training on the other hand has been consistent and I have not missed a workout. However, the saying you can’t out-run a bad diet or bodies are shaped in the kitchen, couldn’t ring more true. Let’s just say, I’ve been doing my research just to be sure. So, now that the research has yielded a conformation of such sayings, it’s definitely time to get back on track! Needless to say, I am not currently a resident of Onerderland, but I am in a subdivision near by with a very short term lease! Am I disappoint in myself, of course! I am acutely aware of how close I could be to my goal weight if I could only get my eating under control. However, even with that disappointment, I am excited about my physical training and dedication to that training. So, for now, let’s focus on the positive.

Three years ago when I started this little journaling adventure, or even for my entire Fatty McFatGirl life prior, I never would have thought that I would be the person who used a race as a purpose for a vacation! Well, the Fat-Free Mommy family just got back from our first official Runcation! We traveled all the way to that other sunny state so that I could run in the Dumbo Double Dare at Disneyland (10k Saturday + 1/2 Marathon Sunday). I wasn’t nervous about the races, I had done the distances back to back many times before, what made me the most nervous was that cross country flight. Armed with goodies from Ellimoon, I was ready, or rather my little royals were ready with beautiful distractions. Overall, flights went quite well, my prince was awake and excited, which didn’t seem to amuse the row ahead of us, but if you are going from one Disney vacation spot to another, you should probably expect to have tiny humans aboard.

Now, most would expect that I would be excited for the races, or even playing in the Disneyland parks, which of course I was, but the one event that I was most excited for was the two hours I was going to work the Raw Threads booth at the fitness expo! It is no secret that I am mildly obsessed with the beautiful creations of running fashion designs from Raw Threads! They are beyond soft, the colors are amazing, and the designs that give subtle nods to my favorite disney characters are the BEST! Clearly, I am a superfan, so when I was offered the opportunity to work their expo booth, by a very dear friend, I was sure to make it happen! It was only two hours, but sharing the love of Raw Threads with complete strangers was amazing! It really wasn’t selling workout gear, it was creating bonds with new friends over running fabulousness. Hands down, the best fitness expo experience of my life!

Now that we are home, I feel the need to refresh my focus. Hence the break from my apparent blogging silence. Over the course of the next 5 months I have a few 5ks, a couple 10ks, a 10 mile race, at least 5 half marathons, and 2 marathons ! All of the miles and Baby Boot Camp workouts that I will log are only a small piece of this training puzzle… The rest comes from the kitchen. So, here we go! Running season has started, and there is no such thing as giving up!

Fat-Free Mommy

I’m Baaaack… But no really, this time it’s on!

Week: #32
Pounds Lost: 63
Pounds To Go: 82

Well hello there online fitness diary, I have missed you so! Well maybe I haven’t exactly missed you since I completely pushed you to the side for the past almost two months, but I do feel bad…does that count? Feeling bad is purely selfish of course since I have figured out that there is a direct correlation between my post frequency and weight loss. I mean in the past two months I have lost what, a whopping 5 pounds?!? For me, that’s just sad, especially because I know that I have been losing, gaining, and re-losing the same damn 10 pounds since who knows when. Of course, we have been super busy here in the Fat-Free Mommy house, but that is no excuse! So here’s a promise I have made to myself… I will post on a more consistent basis, or I will sentence myself to doing an hour straight of burpees! Who doesn’t hate burpees, right? Personally, I would rather go all Tonya Harding on my own knee caps than do an hour of burpees. So, is that a Deal? Deal! Onederland is so close I can see it on the scale if I don’t step on it all the way… So it’s on!

So what’s been happening? Well I am really good during the week since we are always on the go and in a predictable routine, but then comes the weekend. I don’t know what it is in my brain that just shuts down, but once Friday night comes, it’s as if a black hole takes the place of my stomach and the binge eating begins, and continues throughout the weekend. Then on Monday, I hate myself and start back on the right track, only to ruin it again on the weekend. Dude?!? I really need to get a grip! I can go on family outings without indulging on everything in sight, I know I can, I have done it many times before, but for whatever reason, my healthy weight-loss driven brain has been shutting down, even if I bring along prepared meals. Well folks, I can proudly say that this weekend was the first in many where the binge eating inner Fatty McFatGirl did not take over, and I am so excited! After all, I did give her a pretty good send off last weekend!

Last Friday was the 24 hour day at the Mouse’s House, and I went as a Fat-Free Mommy with other mommies and friends. No kids, no husbands, just the girls and we had so much fun! At the beginning I was good, I had packed all my food for the day, and until about 3pm I was actually on the healthy track…then an apple, wearing Maleficent clothing (apple dipped in caramel then dipped in chocolate with rice crispy treat horns also dipped in chocolate), beckoned to me. I looked, thought about walking past, but bought and ate it along with a mouse shaped cake pop. They were delightful and the great end to my healthy day. Many more indulgences crossed my lips before 6am when I drove home in Fat Girl shame. Ironically, that wasn’t the last straw. My turning point came a few days later when I read a particularly irksome comment on social media.

There is a new ride at the Mouse’s House, and it is one of the best, so much fun and I am so happy to have ridden it three times before the official opening. The comment I read was regarding the size of the seat on said ride. Personally, I thought they were normal and fine, and I still have over 80 pounds to lose before I am considered “healthy”! However, there were complaints that the seats were too small, and that seats of that size could pass in Europe or Asia, but in America where people are larger, the seats should be more accommodating. Reading this made me as red as an angered fairy. So you are so large that the seat is uncomfortable, and it is the fault of the seat? Really? Having trouble fitting in a generic theme park ride seat doesn’t inspire you in the slightest to to decrease the size of your hiney? Really?!?! Because right now, I am too grandiose to fit into my skinny jeans, but I am not placing blame on the fashionable denim, oh no, I am 100% to blame! So I am making myself smaller, and every day I look at those beautiful pants and I am inspired to keep going! I would think that if you could only snugly fit into something that was made to fit most people, that you would take a look at yourself and maybe be inspired to get to a healthier and smaller size. Now, of course there are amazonically tall people who can, at best, awkwardly squeeze into some attraction seating, but that’s not where these complaints were coming from, and for those people I do feel bad. However, to quote one of my favorite films, “You do not alter a Vera to fit you, you alter yourself to fit Vera.” Thank you Kate Hudson in Bride Wars. The same applies here, you don’t alter a ride to fit the obesity epidemic in America, you alter the obesity epidemic to fit a ride! Yes, weight loss can be a challenge, and at some points even seem impossible, but it is possible… For anyone! You just have to decide for yourself that the uncomfortability of a life change is worth far more than the comfortability of fatness. **stepping off of weight loss soapbox**

One thing I know for certain, if someone doesn’t want to lose weight and be healthy for themselves, then the weight loss is bound to fail. You may have to hit some type of rock bottom, or be irked enough by the opposition, to sincerely want it without hesitation, but either way you must do it for you. Well, I want this for me! My morning weigh in is my true mommy only time, it’s just me and Madame Scale, facing off, and from here on out, I will be on the winning side of the draw,

Fat-Free Mommy

Where the heck have I been ?!?

Pounds Lost (starting now): 0
Pounds to go: 40

Where have I been?? It has been almost two months since my last post, and I have to tell you that I have been somewhat avoiding the accountability that writing this blog creates in my own little world. As if writing down what is actually going on somehow makes it unavoidable. So, I will admit it, I have been avoiding you! And for no other reason than I did not want to really face what was going on, but after Madame Scale literally slapped me in the face with my reality this morning, I can say that I am back! I have to be. No one can take charge of my health except me!

So, what has been going on? Well, it all started with my body basically forgetting that it was female. That lovely monthly reminder of womanhood has not been RSVPing to this mommy’s life party since about June. Now, anyone who just got a heartbeat of excitement in anticipation of some announcement of a growing human, take a deep breath and let that idea go out the window. Nothing is growing except for my waistline. With all of the blood tests and visits to my doctor I started being anxious and stressed about this second or third child that I wasn’t 100% convinced that I even wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mommy more than anything but my honest biggest fear is sibling attention jealousy. At some point one or both or all children will feel jealous of one another and I never want a child of mine to ever feel like they aren’t the exact center of my universe. With that being said, once the question shifted from “Do we want another child” to “Is having another child even possible” I very quickly came down with a case of baby fever. Thus began the downward spiral into my fat-girl roots where emotional and stress eating are just a way of life. If you haven’t experienced doing the marital humpty dance for the purposes of procreation, let me tell you it isn’t about fun, it’s about timing and frequency and sexy goes right out the window. And then comes the two or so weeks of waiting to see if a little stick will make you elated or an eat your face of version of depressed. I of course was the later. Since then I have experienced more visits to the doctor and am about to start a second type of hormone/fertility treatment to try and jump start this body of mine back to being female.

As depressing as all of that may seem these past months have also had their fair share of huge accomplishments for this Fat-Free Mommy. I completed not one, not two, but three half marathons! I am now what may be considered “half crazy” and I love it. Sure around mile 7 or 11 I may feel like my knees or ankles are going to need replacing, but once that finish line is crossed and I am wearing that sparkling medal around my neck all the soreness becomes very much worth it! I have truly accomplished the once thought impossible, and words cannot describe how truly incredible that makes me feel.

However even with all of the exercising and training, I still managed to gain back more pounds than I ever wanted to. Just goes to show you that you really cannot out exercise a bad diet. If you eat your face off and eat junk, no amount of exercise will ever prevent Madame Scale from telling you exactly what you don’t want to hear. Her brutal honesty is only echoed by the buttons and zippers of the universe that refuse to work in the same way that they used to, and then of course there are the photographic images that really show you that your body is going in the wrong direction.

So, here I am, certainly still leaps and bounds healthier than I was a year ago, but still not where I want to be and I can only blame myself. Well, I got myself into this mess and I will without a doubt get myself out of it! Back on the program I go and with the determination and devotion that only a Fat-Free Mommy can have. Welcome back to my journey… I promise not to avoid you anymore!